Hold Me
by cRudEdly
Summary: [DISCONTINUED]contains rape, self-injury, teacher-student relationship, the pairing's SSHG (patience..). Hermione is being raped by her teacher, and (un)fortunately Snape's the one to find out. Can he help her to find her way back into her former life?
1. Prologue

**-§-- ****1.**** Prologue --§-  
  
**Hermione stepped out of the shower. Her sensitive body was red and maybe she should be alarmed, because for most of the people, it wasn't normal to shower first with ice cold water, to cool the emotions down, and then burn her body with excess temperature, to punish herself.  
  
She cleaned her skin more than properly, wanting desperately to scrub away the imaginary mud on her already clean skin.   
  
/But it doesn't help/  
  
No matter how often the sponge brushed over her skin, she still felt dirty.   
  
Hermione took a towel and rubbed the wetness off roughly.  
  
She shivered. It wasn't too cold in the showers she shared with the other Gryffindor girls.  
  
/But still I'm shaken/  
  
There were plenty of mirrors outside the shower stalls, but Hermione didn't dare to look in one of them. She couldn't stand the sight. And she wouldn't see much through her tear-streamed, red and swollen eyes.  
  
Hermione brushed her hair and plaited it together, so they wouldn't look too messy tomorrow.  
  
/Too suspicious/  
  
She slipped into her pants and a large, old T-shirt, then she left the showers and walked in the dormitory she shared with the other ones of her grade.   
  
But instead of joining the others, she lay straight in her bed and put the blanket over her until only her nose was sticking out.  
  
Lavender finally spoke to her. "Hermione, are you alright?" she asked, knowing very well which answer she would get.  
  
"I'm fine, just cold," she said. That's what she always said.  
  
/Liar/  
  
-§-


	2. Beginning

**Disclaimer:** The Harry Potter Universe, Characters and everything else you recognize, does not belong to me but JKR, Bloomsbury and/or Warnerbros. I'm not sure which of them, but just to be on the save side. I'm a student and have no money so don't sue.  
  
**Warnings:** _Rape  
  
self-injury  
  
teacher-student relationships  
  
Severus Snape/Hermione Granger **romantically involved** (although not until later)  
  
_Does any of the below make you **grimace**, **jump** or **flinch**? Then please don't read on.   
I'm going to be not too graphic, one because it's only R and two because even my sick mind has it's limits.  
The characters might be considered slightly **OOC**, though it depends on how you see it. I think their actions and reactions are adjusted to the circumstances. Although Snape's probably really a bit too soft. :)  
  
These warnings and the Disclaimer are not going to be repeated, and if you chose to read on, you should be old enough not to whine that I'm plain sick and should go to hell. Thank you very much.  
  
/…/ - Hermione's thoughts, even though they are mostly just fragments.  
  
-**§-- 2. Beginning --§-  
  
**Hermione woke at 6 o'clock a.m. from a nightmare she had. Though she kept pretending as if she couldn't remember it, she could still see a black raven. She could still smell the sweat. She could still hear moans, screams, and cries. And she could still see the thick, red blood. Gryffindor blood.  
  
The pictures were burned in her mind painfully.  
  
She forced herself to forget it by telling her self it was just a nightmare and stood up.  
  
Breakfast was uneventful. Harry and Ron didn't question her, even though they threw some concerned glances to each other over Hermione's back.   
  
She was silent. It wasn't the first time she acted this way, but just because they were used to it, didn't mean they liked the quiet Hermione.  
  
There wasn't anything to do about it. Even Ron couldn't figure out what it was, and HE was her ex-boyfriend.  
  
Hermione broke up with him some days ago.  
  
-§- Flashback -§-  
  
"Ron…," she breathed after she dragged him into an empty class-room. "I have to tell you something."  
  
"What is it Hermione? Something good? Something bad?" he asked curious why Hermione looked so concerned.  
  
"I- you. Ron… I'm…," she had absolutely no idea how to tell him that. It was so difficult to explain him her situation.  
  
"Calm down, hun, I won't bite your head off, you know?" he joked. That made the guilty feeling in Hermione's stomach only worse.  
  
She took a deep breath and then said the words she had practiced in front of the mirror.  
  
"Ron… I'm breaking up with you."  
  
She said it. The very instant the words left her mouth, she wanted to take them back. It was so terrible to look into his eyes - to see all the pain in his eyes. She had never wanted to hurt him. She thought it would be better this way.  
  
He said something. His voice was full of bitterness and sorrow.  
  
"Why?"  
  
He felt like the whole world would crash down on him. It took them six years to become a pair, and now, just a half year after they had this relationship, she ended it.  
  
How could he understand?  
  
It wasn't as if he hadn't noticed that she winced every time he hugged her lately. He felt that every time they kissed, she wasn't with him in thoughts.  
  
But he couldn't understand why.  
  
Hermione looked at her toes.  
  
"Because I'm not in love with you," it should be a statement, but it sounded like a question.  
  
Ron gulped. That was heavy.  
  
"What about the plenty of times when you told me you loved me? Have you lied to me?" He had to force his own voice down, although he was full of anger.  
  
"No," Hermione whispered. "It wasn't as if I don't love you. I love you, but not as my boyfriend, just as my friend. I'm not in love with you. It's a difference. And I can't lie to you any more. I'm sorry."  
  
Ron looked as if he was going to cry, and Hermione thought it would be best to go.  
  
As she turned towards the door, he grabbed her arm.  
  
"Has someone been slandering me? Do you have a new boyfriend?"  
  
Hermione shook her head. "No, it's how I told you. Ron, please."  
  
"But… you can't… why did it take so long to see that?"  
  
"I don't know. I had to try. Sorry."  
  
She left. She wanted to do nothing more than to cry, but it seemed wrong, because she broke up with him.  
  
So she just walked, and walked and walked through all of Hogwarts. When she finally reached her dormitory, she threw herself on the bed.  
  
Hermione didn't cry. There were no tears left for Ron.  
  
-§- End Flashback -§-  
  
Ron was back to normal again. Everyone was surprised to see that it didn't seem to affect him too much. But he said he didn't want to destroy anything they had, and so they would just be friends again.  
  
Only Harry knew that he kept crying at night, when he thought nobody could hear him.  
  
Hermione thought it was unfair. He had to pay the price because she wasn't able to love him. Maybe it would be better that way.  
  
Ron deserved so much better than her.  
  
He needed someone who could be able to give him all the love he needed.  
  
/Not a filthy whore like me./  
  
Harry poked her in her ribs. "Herm? You still here?"  
  
It took Hermione some moments to realize that he was talking to her, then she asked: "What were you on right now? Sorry, my mind drifted away…"  
  
"No need to apologize. Wanna watch our Quidditch training?"  
  
"No, I think I'll go off to library, do some studies…"  
  
Her two friends sighed. Studies. Just as always.  
  
-§-  
  
N/A: No, the beginning is maybe not too good. But it will get better. I promise… well, can't really promise, but I really think the next chapters will get better.  
Urgent need for myself and my ego: pleeeeeeeaaaaaaseeeee review!


	3. Caught

Thanks:** Dolores Jane Umbridge 2nd, me4draco06, tamorafan, daine, u-know-who formerly known as sak, silentSoul, Mystery reklatS, snapeluver, Olivier-killand-wood.  
  
**And again a thank you to **mystery reklatS**, who was as kind as to correct my mistakes. Thank you so much!  
  
-**§-- 3.**** Caught --§-  
  
**Hermione walked down the corridor to the library. It was deserted, which didn't surprise her.  
  
Not too many people came down to the library on a Saturday.  
  
Suddenly, she closed her eyes and saw a black raven in front of her eyes.  
  
She breathed hard and looked all around her. She felt watched.   
  
There was no one.  
  
/Paranoia/  
  
She walked down the last bit to the library quickly, trying to get rid of that uneasy feeling.  
  
Madam Pince wondered why the usually friendly girl didn't greet her, but then, she had stopped doing that some time ago.  
  
Hermione just grabbed some books, which she needed for her homework, and then wanted to leave for her common room. It would be safer there.  
  
Someone walked through the heavy doors of the library, and the moment Hermione saw him, she dropped her books on the floor.  
  
Hurriedly, she gathered her books together and went to Madam Pince to tell her that she would take those with her.  
  
But there was a book missing…  
  
/No/  
  
"Oh, Miss Granger, does that belong to you?" a deep, male voice said behind her, passing her the book she'd lost.  
  
A cold shiver ran through Hermione.  
  
"Yes, thank you very much, Professor Smith." She turned around to face her Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor. He came here this school year, Hermione's final one, and to everyones surprise, Dumbledore didn't just give him the DADA position. He was also the new head of Ravenclaw, after Professor Flitwick retired.   
  
The dark-haired man usually wore black clothes, which somehow reminded her of her potions teacher, Snape.  
  
But that was really the only thing he had in common with him. He was a joyful man, always playing with his short hair, always telling stories, always giving their house points as if he didn't understand that he should help Ravenclaw, not Gryffindor, win the House Cup.   
  
Nathaniel Smith was the favourite teacher of Hogwarts. The boys liked him because he never gave them detention, and the girls… Well, it was obvious why he was so beloved under them. He was just 32 years old, an age in which he was definitely one of the youngest teachers in Hogwarts, and he was handsome, with a good figure and a decent face with beautiful teeth and impressive dark eyes.   
  
/Like a raven./  
  
And Professor Smith was smart. Well, maybe it wasn't so stupid of Dumbledore to engage him.  
  
/It was./  
  
Those dark raven eyes looked at her expectantly at the moment.  
  
Hermione said that she would like to take the books up to the common room and Madam Pince gave her an okay.   
  
Then Professor Smith spoke to her again.  
  
"Miss Granger, would you be so kind as to follow me to my office? I have to speak to you."  
  
/No/  
  
Hermione opened her mouth to protest. But was there really any sense in protesting?  
  
She followed her teacher without speaking a word.  
  
As they walked up the corridors to the Ravenclaw tower and to Smith's office, some female students threw jealous glances at her.  
  
They reached the office and Smith stepped in immediately. Hermione stopped at the entrance, hoping someone would stop her from walking into that room.   
  
But his hand grabbed her arm roughly and dragged her into it.  
  
Her DADA teacher was just some inches away when he decided to be friendly.  
  
/Once/  
  
"Please, make yourself comfortable," he said, his voice soft and coaxing, while pointing at a sofa.   
  
Hermione decided that if she stood, she wouldn't feel any better, and her weak legs threatened to break.  
  
"So, Miss Granger, how was your day? Are you learning for school? Yes, you're a clever girl. ... always thinking of exams. That's our Hermione, that we all know and love," Smith said in a sugar-sweet voice, sitting himself close to his student.  
  
"I'm no one's Hermione," she hissed, looking in to those dangerous eyes.  
  
"Now, now, Miss Granger, don't get naughty." He gave her a filthy smile, which left no doubt that it wasn't her who had naughty thoughts at the moment.  
  
Hermione just looked at him disgustedly. "Stop that game. Get over with it," she said, trying to sound at least a little bit like the strong Hermione she once thought herself to be.  
  
Her professor seemed to enjoy that game too much. "I'm the teacher. It's not up to you to say when the lesson is over." He still smirked.   
  
Slowly, he laid his hand on her knee, and his fingers slipped inside the robes. He let his hand run over her thigh, enjoying that Hermione winced and closed her eyes, trying to pretend as if it wasn't her who was being groped by her teacher.  
  
/Stop it. Stop it./  
  
"Stop it!" Hermione whispered weakly.  
  
His hand didn't stop wandering up her thigh and the smirk didn't vanish from his face.  
  
"Beg me."  
  
The door to Professor Smith's office was opened loudly and another teacher stepped into the room.  
  
"Mr. Smith, I have to-" He stopped abruptly as he saw Smith's hand shoot out of Hermione's robes immediately. He lifted one eyebrow.  
  
Hermione didn't know what to think – whether to be thankful that he disturbed Smith, or hate him more than ever, because the potions master knew her darkest secret.   
  
"Ah, Professor Snape, good morning." Smith was back to his joyful face, but for one moment, there was something like sorrow and disgust in his expression. "What can I do for you?"  
  
Smith didn't look as if he was going to explain anything, so Snape just hurried Granger out and decided to tell Smith his reason for that visit. Hermione looked up to her potions professor and shot him an indefinable glance.  
  
Snape could see that the girl was in deep sorrow, and she was ashamed. But that wasn't everything.  
  
/Thank you./  
  
-§-  
  
I still like reviews, you know?


	4. Agreements

Thanks to:   
  
**t**: great, short name ;)  
**Amethyst9**: about the thoughts /in these/: I know it mainly are just some words or anything. But that's intention. I just want to give the reader a hint of how or what she's feeling right now, but I don't want to describe it much. Everyone can think by himself what that means right now.   
**TaMissy, Daine - Lilac:** hmmm, I dunno if I will let him fall for her soon. It depends on what you think "falling in love" should contain. He will help her, that's for sure, and he's going to realize her true character, but he will not be all dreamy and helpless-in-love immediately. For the other things, I can not promise anything.  
**TamoraFan, dama-de-tinieblas, Slytherin's Snake,   
Ariana Althena Evergreen, Irol, Rachel, someone28, Hermy3, AnImEfReAk81,   
Lazy:** I had really no intentions to romanticize rape, so I'm sorry if you felt that way. Rape is one of the most terrible things in world. And that's why most of the people don't want to read this. My friend always complained if I told her of a story which contained rape. But I think those things are more than worth to talk about. I don't know what made me write this, but I don't think it's wrong, it's just my way to show that rape is horrible.  
Now, I can't promise Snape will stay... Snape. Because it's a S/H story, and it's definitely un-snapish to fall for his student.  
**Tamerlane, FEAngel258, risi, MM, Bright Phoenix, me4draco06,   
Kucarrie:** I know they're short, but that doesn't mean I don't write much. I have six chapters already written, they just have to be beta-read, that's why I can't update as fast as I would like to. But no, they won't fight. At least not at that moment. Later… maybe.  
**Alaskantiger, Voldie On Varsity Track, me, Pandoral15, Hecate Silvermoon, Tanya, I Hate Squirrels, wavy avey, Queen Li, Tiffie101, Stolen Simplicity, stonecoldfox, Anlixa Lightz, xSnapeLoverx, LadyBlack,   
ROTCGirl:** Thank you for the critique, even though you might see the changes not right now, because I've already written so much. But it really helped me!  
I'm not defending myself, but I just wanted to explain to you why I have written some things in that way I've written it.  
Hermione did not defend herself in any way or something. Not because she liked it (I really DO hope you could notice that, or I would be a real bad writer…) but more because she knew it would have no sense. How you are going to read in the next chapter, he has been doing that for quite some time, so she just gave up struggling.  
And when Snape entered the room, he first just stepped in and didn't look at them before he began to speak. So he just said "Mr Smith, blahblah…" and THEN he stopped talking when he noticed what he's been doing.  
About when Hermione left the room… well, he decided not to ask any questions, so he shoved her out and looked into her eyes. And then he talked to smith. But I've written that kind of disordered, sorry for that.  
**SilentSoul, Kawaiitsuki **… Thank you all! Can you believe it? 38 reviews on ONE chapter!! Wow, I can't believe so many people are reading that.   
  
**Important Authors Note**: This chapter is ...**objectionable**.  
  
I'm aware that there will be some people who will hate this. And I really mean hate it. However, if you flame me or anything… well, do it. All I have to say is that this story isn't finished with that. If I were you, I'd go on reading the next chapters, before blaming me for something like that. Will you please? Thank you.  
  
-**§-- 4.**** Agreements --§-  
  
**  
There was a knock on the old wooden door of Professor Snape's office.  
  
"Enter!" the Potions Master demanded.  
  
A tiny girl stepped into his office.  
  
'Seventeen years,' Snape thought, 'and she looks like one of those first-years who are frightened because I shot them one of my rather less-than-nice looks.'  
  
She didn't say anything but just slipped into one of the large chairs and looked very lost in the old office of her teacher.  
  
"So, you're here to explain?"  
  
Hermione winced as if she had just realized where she was and who had spoken to her.  
  
"Will you tell anyone?" she asked, ignoring his question.  
  
"If I don't even know what to tell? Doubtful," Snape said, ignoring Hermione sighing in relief.  
  
She already wanted to leave and stood up to do so, but was held back by her teacher.  
  
"Sit down again. Tell me what's going on." His look was deadly, his voice low and cold.  
  
"No," she just whispered and stayed where she was.  
  
"Miss Granger. I want know if I just imagined that your Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher had his hands in your robes or if it was real."  
  
"Let go of my arm," she whispered fearfully, staring at the same piece of skin where Smith had grabbed her and dragged her into his office. Snape hadn't even realized he still held her.  
  
"I don't imagine such things. I would have never thought that your grades are as important as to…" He didn't complete the sentence. "But now I think I should report it to the headmast-"  
  
"No! Please, don't tell him! Anything, you hear? Anything! But not to Dumbledore!" Hermione cried out between sobs.  
  
"Miss Granger…" His voice was harsh now. "Stop this childish behaviour. Teacher-student relationships aren't tolerated at this school."  
  
"Please, Professor. I'd do anything!" she cried again, laying on the floor by now, and feeling desperate.  
  
Then her hand wandered to the first button of her robes.  
  
'What the hell is she doing? No…'  
  
"Miss Granger…" he asked, alarmed. "What do you think you are doing?!"  
  
Hermione just sobbed and continued to undress herself.  
  
/This will stop him, at least. /  
  
Snape's eyes widened in shock and his mouth gaped. Was she going to offer him THAT? He stood up immediately, running to Hermione, and forcing her to close her robes again.  
  
"For heaven's sake, STOP THAT!" he nearly screamed through his desperate attempts to properly clothe her again, but as his hands were shaking, he had some difficulties.  
  
Hermione was still crying but didn't do anything anymore, though Snape would prefer she would begin to tend to her appearance now.  
  
When Snape thought he had enough buttons closed, he stood up again. He had never before wished so desperately to be in another place than in his office.  
  
He looked at the bundle of clothes, hair and tears that lay on his floor, still trembling quite badly.  
  
She was pitiful.  
  
She cried like a baby which was only waiting for his mother or father to come and calm her down.  
  
But nobody was coming.  
  
'What to do now?' Snape felt helpless. 'Where are those women when you need them? What to do with a girl that's crying on your floor and offering for you to use her body?'  
  
"Miss Granger…"  
  
She didn't respond. She continued to sob loudly, as if she did not even care that there was another person in the room.  
  
"Miss Granger!" he said, more sternly, but she gave no reaction.  
  
"Hermione!" he tried desperately. She looked up, gulping another sob.  
  
"Stop crying now, girl. I won't tell anyone, if it's that you wanted. Just… forget what happened today, alright? And never do that again."  
  
Hermione looked at her Potions Professor in astonishment. He wouldn't tell anyone but still didn't take her? Surely, she hadn't expected him to refuse her.  
  
It must've been years, or decades.  
  
"Miss Granger, just would you … now… please… close the buttons of your robe again," Snape pleaded, and his voice was shaken. He was afraid.  
  
'Severus Anthony Snape, put yourself together. And will you stop trembling!' he exclaimed to himself while he bundled his hands in to fists.  
  
Hermione had stopped sobbing, though there were still tears running down her cheek. She stood up and wanted to leave this horrible room, but Snape held her back.  
  
"Er… Miss Granger… You know… maybe it's not a good idea for you to go outside now that way," he pointed out. Then he showed her a door, and said, "There's a bathroom, so if you please…"  
  
Hermione just nodded and went into the bathroom.  
  
Snape was just on the very edge of screaming "FUCK", but when he thought about the young girl in his bathroom, he didn't give in to the urgent need.  
  
Instead of that, he sat down at his chair, and laid his head in his hands.  
  
He had a headache. What the hell was that about? Did she really think that everything could be solved with prostitution?  
  
He stood up and paced up and down his office nervously.  
  
What if he got that wrong? Hermione didn't look happy at the moment he came into Smith's office. She wasn't enjoying this, but otherwise who would?  
  
'What if he was -?'  
  
Snape didn't finish that thought.  
  
'But Hermione looked so desperate…  
  
'Gods, Severus, what are you thinking? Hermione? Next, you'll admit that she looked damn sexy on that floor, more than willing to - '  
  
'Stop, stop, STOP THAT! What the fuck are you thinking? She is a student, and she is one of that Harry Potter's friends, and no, she did NOT look sexy, and she was anything else other than willing to do that!' the voice of rationality said.  
  
His body, however, spoke another language.  
  
'When is that Granger-girl going to leave the bathroom?' he thought, knocking on the door.  
  
Hermione had been standing in front of the mirror some time.  
  
She hated her reflection.  
  
She wanted to scream, but she knew she had to put herself together. Snape already thought she was a maniac.  
  
She didn't need that. Why had he refused to take her? Wasn't she good enough? Then why had he promised to tell no one nevertheless?  
  
Hermione looked around in the bathroom of her least favourite teacher. Well, maybe second-least favourite, Smith counted.  
  
Something very useful caught her sight - a silver blade, encased with a black shaver.  
  
Hermione took it in her hand. The sharp blade blended in the violent light of the bathroom.  
  
/Seductive./  
  
Soon the sleeve of her robe had been put up, and a skinny arm full of scars appeared.  
  
The blade had been pressed against her flesh, the pain stinging and causing her to whimper.  
  
But still, she didn't take the blade away from her arm.  
  
Blood ran down her wrists, and Hermione felt both relief and guilt.  
  
But her tears had stopped some time ago, and she had washed her face with cool water before.  
  
No one was going to know.  
  
And it felt so good.  
  
Hermione heard a knock on the door.  
  
She was shocked, and let the blade fall down to the cold, marble floor.  
  
Snape stepped into his bathroom.  
  
Why hadn't she locked the door?? Oh, there was no way to lock the door.  
  
Hermione just stared at him and didn't move. Her sleeve was still up, and Snape could see her scars and her new wound.  
  
The Potions Master gasped. This was getting worse and worse. Wordless, he stared at her wound.  
  
When Hermione wanted to go, he said sharply, "Don't move," and went to a cupboard, taking out a purple bottle.  
  
He opened it and went to Hermione. She winced as he took her hand and forced her to stand still.  
  
Snape let some drops of the shiny liquid drop down on her wound and it closed immediately, leaving nothing but smooth skin.  
  
Hermione wanted to say something, but he quieted her.  
  
"Promise me to never do that again!" he demanded.  
  
/NO! I want to do that! / she thought, but didn't say anything. Snape answered her nevertheless.  
  
"No. You don't want to do that. You just want to release the pain you hold inside. It's no solution. Stop that. Promise." His voice was more of a whisper, but it left no doubt that he was serious.  
  
"I-I promise," Hermione managed to say and then left his rooms, feeling relieved to be alone again.  
  
-§-  
  
N/A: too much? Anyway, I'm going to post the next chapter soon. That means, if you want to read more of it... §grins§  
And I'm sorry for the delay. I really meant to post earlier, because I've already written A LOT (and that means exactly that) but I didn't want you guys to see all the terrible mistakes of mine... so thanks for my beta-reader!! 


	5. Misgivings

**Queen Li, Alaskantiger, FFAngel258, Solitaire, me4draco06, me, someone28, Olivier-Killiand-Wood, Kawaiitsuki, FandomAvenger, Fan Person, Sammy Rettop Malfoy, ROTCGirl, Jessica Garcia, Dolores Jane Umbridge 2nd, AnImEfReAk81, joani, Tracey Claybon **and** Silent Soul  
**Thank you! throws kisses and bows  
  
Did I confuse some of you? Sorry. Hermione is being raped by Smith, and no matter what Snape thinks at the moment, she doesn't do that voluntary! Ok? just don't forget that. Thanks.  
erm, on with the story, though that Chapter is a rather boring one, only what Snape's thinking. I like writing about Snape a lot, the main part of this story will be from his point of view of the events. Another reason for that is that it's very difficult to write about someone who is being raped, or a rapist himself if you can not fully understand them. But I will try to do more stuff of Hermione too, so that you will know what she really thinks and stuff…   
  
Thanks to **Mystery ReclatS** for the great job of my beta-reader! (and that's not easy, I tell you…)  
  
-**§-- 5.**** Misgivings --§-**  
  
Professor Snape, Potions Master of Hogwarts, let himself drop on his armchair in front of his fireplace.  
  
He was confused. That day was definitely one of his worst days in life. And that might say something, because he had plenty of those.  
  
He had always hated Smith. The fact that he was the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher would be enough reason for Snape to dislike him.  
  
Smith was young, even younger than him, and he had been the youngest teacher of Hogwarts for quite a time now. Smith was handsome, something which Severus Snape never was, but looks have never been for any importance to Snape.  
  
The students liked him and that made Snape hate the teacher more than anything else.  
  
Of course, Snape had never been liked by his students. In fact, not even the teachers could stand his bad temper and his "the-earth-is-going-to-crash-down-on-us" mood.  
  
Somehow, it still was hurtful that the man who took the DADA job had also seemingly taken the minds of his female students. He often watched how they threw longing glances on the staff table.  
  
He had also noticed that Hermione Granger was not one of them, though it wasn't as if he cared for that reason.  
  
And now… he deeply loathed the man.  
  
How could he be able to assault someone like Hermione?  
  
Such a smart girl, clever, but still naïve. Hermione always seemed unaffected by the war that was going on outside, even though she did so much more than other students for the good side.  
  
She still laughed with her best friends and she still cared for her studies more than for her life, it seemed. She always saw the good things in a person, and never gave up; knowing the solution to every problem would be in a book found in the library.  
  
She seemed so untouched - so pure.  
  
Snape chuckled at the thought. He, Severus Snape, one of those who still thought that muggle-born people _are_ less worth than pure-bloods, thought that Hermione, whose parents were both muggles, was pure.  
  
But the Hermione he thought he knew would never open her clothes in front of a teacher. Also, she would never cut her arms, because she knew from all the books that it wouldn't be good.  
  
But still, Hermione had done it.  
  
And the reason was her DADA teacher, and his hands in her robes.  
  
'Damn, I can't get that picture out of my head!' Snape thought angrily.  
  
He didn't want to imagine what would have happened if he hadn't gone inside that room. He remembered that Hermione didn't seem to defend herself.  
  
That was maybe why he didn't ask Smith what that was about.  
  
Hermione didn't seem surprised, or shocked, that her teacher was trying to touch her.  
  
She seemed uncomfortable and helpless.  
  
'It wasn't the first time', he assumed  
  
But what if not? When did it start? And who did it start with?  
  
He needed to know. Was Hermione really the one who offered it to him?  
  
'No, she wouldn't. She would never.'  
  
But then, he couldn't be sure.  
  
What was first? Sleeping with her teacher or changing her character?  
  
How could he know? And what should he do?  
  
If he told Dumbledore, and it was her, she would be in trouble.  
  
'And since when is that bad?'  
  
Yeah, since when did he care? She was one of the Gryffindors he hated so much. Since when didn't he want to see one of them in trouble?  
  
'Now WHO has changed, huh?'  
  
Professor Snape banged his head down on his table and roared in frustration.  
  
He could question himself throughout the whole night, and there would be no answers.  
  
Not until he asked one of them.  
  
Severus Snape looked at his watch and found that it was 3 o'clock in the morning. He decided that he had to wait until tomorrow to get some answers.  
  
He changed into his night clothes and laid himself in his bed.  
  
He was tired. But he couldn't take his mind off of the evening.  
  
What if he had taken the offer?  
  
His stomach twitched at the thought of it.  
  
No. He wasn't like that pervert DADA teacher, who enjoyed the fact that some kids would do everything to do the same things that Hermione _had_ to do.  
  
He didn't take any other kid. He didn't want an affair. It wasn't the same sadistic game if his victim would be willing to.  
  
'What's really confusing me is that she didn't say it was him, as if it wasn't obvious. Now, what if it really wasn't him?'  
  
He slammed his fist into his pillow. How should he know?  
  
If it had been her, then she wouldn't have looked as helpless and uncomfortable as she did. But maybe she hadn't been good enough at DADA and thought she could fix some things…  
  
'-You're thinking bullshit right now. Hermione Granger? Not good at anything? Doubtful.'  
  
"I have to talk to her…"  
  
-§-  
  
You DO see the little box in the left corner of that page, don't you? just click that "go" bottom next to it and make my day!


	6. Verity

**Sunshine Cammie, Snape'sbbwlover, **()**, Angle1, theophania, DodgerMcClure.aka.Drama-Queen, someone28, animegrl1984, Sammy Rettop, Queen Li, Deb.., Alisama2, me **[you're not my best friend, are you? because exactly the same thing I told her just some days ago… weird!] **mariniel, Me, Severia, Potter, wavy avey, Elliot, KDarkMaiden, shemhamforsh, gabi, Mod, kitchen1, BlackMagic112/ROdstER WOmaN **(hey, I liked your idea of the name very much, even though I can not go and change names, that'd be a bit silly… sorry it's so ordinary, I'm not really into names at all), **Evil Crazy Willow, AnImEfReAk81, Abigail Evens, Elm Kitten, kathryn, Tiffie101, snickerdoodle, SH, Jesse Nozaki, KarynMarie, casi, Solitaire, curlylein **(I've read your story, too! great one ;-))**, SilentSoul, Sara D, someonewhocantbebotheredsigningin;  
**a big thank you to all of you! Because without reviews, I'm aware of that, I'm nothing.   
  
Thanks to **Mystery reklatS**, who's corrected my current chapters during very stressful times!   
  
**A/N:** Does anybody read the authors note? I do never. But why am I writing this? ahh, dunno, maybe because I just like talking at all. But this should be a common answer to the reviews I've got.  
Some of you aren't fond of the idea of Snape and Hermione actually being romantically involved, as Alisama2 put it. Well, they will need time, that's for sure, because Hermione is still hurt and everything. Also, and I'm quite sure you all aren't very thrilled by those news, Smith won't stop with it just now. Well, he will, of course later, but not as soon as some of you may have thought or wished for Hermione's sake. No one expects from Hermione that she really has a relationship with Snape now, do you? But anyway, they WILL become a pair, it's only a matter of time (of which I have too much) and for those who'd rather have them a father/daughter relationship I hope you are not too offended by my idea.  
  
**  
-§-- 6. Verity --§-  
  
**  
Hermione wouldn't sleep much tonight.   
  
After visiting Snape, she ran to Gryffindor tower, and took a long loop to avoid the Ravenclaw territory. She didn't even stop in the common room to greet Harry and Ron, who were playing chess. She only stopped when she reached her bed and threw herself into it, sobbing and crying into the pillow, which observed her tears.  
  
A lot of thoughts ran through her mind that night: What shit she had gotten herself into? ... Why Snape didn't take her? ... How complicated her life was ... How soft Snape's hand had been ... Why she couldn't tell him what Smith did to her ... Why Snape had promised not to tell anyone ... Why did Snape's eyes looked so hungry when he entered? ... And how worried they became when he saw her cut.  
  
And now she sat at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall and listened to her friends' efforts to force some food into her.  
  
"Hermione, you haven't eaten since lunch yesterday. You must be hungry. Now taste that bacon, it's really good!"  
  
While Harry piled up her plate with what seemed to be everything in reach of his arm, she didn't even look in his direction.   
  
Her eyes always wandered to the staff-table.  
  
She looked at Snape, than at Dumbledore, then again to Snape, then to Smith and again to Snape, but everything seemed to be normal. Maybe he had just forgotten about it?  
  
When they left the Great Hall and headed to the common room, Hermione was held back by a cold voice which all of them knew to well.  
  
"Granger, come with me. And 5 points from Gryffindor, Potter, because there is no need to stare at me," Professor Snape said coolly, sneering down at them.  
  
Hermione could see very dark rings under his eyes and he looked as if he hadn't slept very much last night either. Harry and Ron just looked at her with questioning expressions, but with a single movement of her hand she told them not to ask any questions.  
  
She went with Snape without any objection. They didn't say anything on their way to his office, but Hermione could sense the tension between them.  
  
When they finally reached it, and the door behind her closed, Hermione sat down in the big chair opposite of his desk. Snape let out a sigh and aimed a piercing glare at her.  
  
"What happened yesterday?" he asked.  
  
/What was that supposed to mean? Did he really want her to re-live every moment of that terrible day? /  
  
"I mean… I know what happened", Snape continued, when he saw that Hermione wasn't eager to explain, "but I just don't understand… why. You must tell me, because at the moment I'm the only help you may get."  
  
/Help? /  
  
Hermione looked astonished at her professor. Would he be able to help her?  
  
/No. No one can help me. /  
  
"Professor… I'm… I was just… confused, you see?"  
  
"Confused of what, Ms Granger?"  
  
"Well… you said, you would tell Dumbledore… I just thought I should stop you…"  
  
"-With THAT?" Snape still was upset.  
  
"I just didn't know another way."  
  
'There are so many other ways… She looks so helpless', he thought.  
  
"I may inform you, Ms Granger, that THAT is not a way to convince a teacher! The most disgusting way of a teacher to abuse his status as an authority figure, is if you lay hand on one of your students. I'm very disappointed with you, I always thought you were clever enough to see that."  
  
'Since when am I saying that she's clever?'  
  
"I'm really sorry professor, I didn't act clever, I know that now."  
  
"You do? Good. So I may be sure something like that will never happen again."  
  
"Yes."  
  
Snape stood up and walked around in his room. "Miss Granger, have tea with me."  
  
Hermione looked at him dubiously. Tea? Snape and tea?   
  
"I would rather not-"  
  
"-Nonsense. Sugar?"  
  
"No, thank you, Sir. I like the tea plain."  
  
Snape brought them two cups of hot tea and she took a draught.  
  
Hermione felt the hot liquid warming her body. But she also felt something else.   
  
Out of a sudden, Snape began to speak again after a silence in the room.  
  
"Have you ever had problems in Defence Against the Dark Arts?"  
  
'God, Severus, why the hell do you ask her THAT question, out of all you could ask. Why don't you get straight to the point?'  
  
'Because I might not want to know the point,' it occurred to Snape  
  
"No, sir."  
  
/Why don't I have control over what I'm saying? Please let it not be veritaserum…/  
  
"So, why did your Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher want to speak with you yesterday?"  
  
"He didn't want to speak…" Hermione said, shocked to see that it had to be veritaserum, because she would have never admitted it.  
  
A shiver ran through Snape's body. If he never intended to speak with her that afternoon, that would not be the first time.  
  
"Did you know when he asked you to come to his office, that he wouldn't …want to speak with you?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
/NO! /  
  
Snape's eyes went darker than usual.  
  
"Since when?" his questions got a lot shorter, because he felt he couldn't stand this much longer without throwing up.  
  
"Some months. Nearly start of the term."  
  
"Who started it?"  
  
"It was him…-" Hermione clutched her hand over her mouth. She gained her senses again and was shocked to find that her potions professor knew everything.  
  
And Snape looked ready to kill. His lips were even thinner then when he put Harry in detention, and his eyes were exactly black.  
  
His voice was strained when he spoke again.  
  
"Did he sleep with you?"  
  
"Professor, I don't understand… I can't…"  
  
Snape suddenly appeared in front of her face and stared into her eyes intensely. He said loud and clear: "Did Marcus Smith rape you?"  
  
Hermione blinked and looked down. She cried silently.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Snape was off. Hermione wasn't even able to watch him walk to the door, it seemed as if he just suddenly stood there.  
  
Hermione threw herself in front of him, putting her tiny body between him and the door.  
  
"No. You promised to tell nobody!", she cried.  
  
"I can't believe you! You don't expect me to keep my mouth shut if that bastard is going around groping girls as if…", he broke off when he saw Hermione's expression.  
  
"Please, sir, there are enough problems in the world. Do you really think Dumbledore needs to know of this? He has so much sorrow with Harry putting himself in danger every second of his life, and to be the leader of not only the school, but also the Order, is enough for the man. Please don't bother him with that."  
  
Snape couldn't believe her nerve. She acted as if it was just a simple little teenage problem.   
  
"So, there is no need to tell Dumbledore, you say. I wasn't going to him, anyway."  
  
Hermione looked terrified.  
  
"No, you can't tell HIM!"  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you, girl? The prick is raping you!"  
  
Hermione winced in pain as if he just slapped her cross the face.  
  
'Wow, Severus! SO sensitive of you', Snape realized as he saw Hermione.  
  
"He has got me in his hands. Please. If you tell him to stop, it will only get worse."  
  
"What do you mean, 'he has you in his hands'? What does he know that everyone else doesn't?"  
  
"He knows too much of my past. Please, Sir, don't ask any further. I can not tell anyone. Please…"  
  
Snape was shocked. So she was going to let this happen to her? Without doing anything against it?  
  
"But… You can't let him do that to you! That's wrong, and I thought you knew that! I always thought you Gryffindors would be brave and fight your enemies. That's so un-Potterish, you know?"  
  
Hermione looked at him hurt. He knew he said too much. That was rude, even for his standards.  
  
"Shut up," she snapped, her voice reminding him of his own.  
  
"Ten p-"  
  
"-And don't you dare take off house points NOW! You are a MAN, damn it, do you even have the slightest idea how much I have tried to fight him? To oppose him? I tried all those days not to surrender under his touch, under the pain, the pressure! I tried to find a way out of this, and if there would have been a chance for me to get out of this, I would have found it."  
  
"Dumbledore would find a way! You need help!"  
  
"I can't let them know, ok? Dumbledore may fire him, but what's about me? And even if he would find a solution, his trust in me would be broken. He may be the kindest person living, but there are laws not even Dumbledore can ignore," Hermione's voice sounded final.  
  
Snape let his hand rest on a place at the door left to Hermione's head. He closed his eyes and sighed in resignation, his body relaxing slightly.  
  
Just when he opened his eyes again he saw that he was dangerously near to his student, who looked at him indefinable.  
  
Hermione bit her lip.   
  
"So, what you're telling me, Miss Granger, is that this pervert is going to do with you whatever he likes, and I'm just able to watch you decline?", he said quietly, not even sure himself what he was saying.  
  
Their sudden closeness embarrassed him a little, but he didn't move an inch, and didn't take his eyes away from hers.  
  
"Oh, I guess that won't be a too big problem for YOU", her voice was indicting; she obviously was still hurt of what he said before.  
  
She turned her back to him and slipped out of the door, leaving a confused potions master behind.  
  
Snape was concerned, but it wasn't just that. He had gotten himself far too deep into this thing by now.  
  
She had somehow managed to affect him so much, that her last words left him in a way he hadn't been a long time.  
  
_Hurt.  
  
_-§-  
  
please review! puppydogeyes


	7. History Of Magic

There were SO MUCH people wanting the beta job, I had to chose one person and that was very difficult, but I wanted to thank everyone that offered me to do this:  
**Sunshine Cammie, KDarkMaiden, Talio, FEAngel258, animegrl1984, Angle1, ****Snape'sbbwlover****, ****Alleycatfish****, Belinda Ellinor Took, ****lord Snape's lady, Cailet, Alexiel Elizabeth Granger, Monique, DodgerMcClure.aka.Drama-Queen, ROTCGirl;  
  
**Thank you so much, as well as:  
**curlylein****, Tanya, Alaskatiger, someone28, snickerdoodle, Sara D, CrazySwimmer27, FieryWildChild, Evil Crazy Willow, Tiffie101, Severia, no one, Lazy, kathryn, Queen Li, jessica garcia, Zila KAimi, theophania, SilentSoul, Ariana Althena Evergreen **- who reviewed my last chapter!  
  
Thank you **Lisa**, my beta-reader, for editing all the "but's", hyphen, and commas ;-) [and of course for the rest of grammar editing!]  
  
**N/A**: The title says everything: History of Magic = boring, means that the chapter is also boring. but next one's better, promise.   
  
-**§-- 7.**** History of Magic --§-  
  
**Hermione came late to class. They had History of Magic, and Binns just smiled at her mildly and continued to talk about the wizard-revolution of the 12th century.  
  
She hurried to her desk next to Harry and took out a quill and a parchment. Just when she began to write, Harry, who had slept some time, noticed her next to him and began to scribble some words on the parchment.  
  
'What did Snape want?'  
  
Hermione just shook her head and ignored the words.   
  
'Hermione?!'  
  
"Leave it," she whispered and turned her attention again to Binns.  
  
'Since when does the greasy git officially talk to Gryffindors without giving them detention?'  
  
"Why don't you talk? Do you think anyone would mind?"  
  
'…too tired. So, what was it?'  
  
"I do not think that I HAVE to tell you that, do I?"  
  
'You do. The way you walked in here demands an answer.'  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Have you been crying?" he whispered, so that only she could hear him.  
  
Hermione looked at him startled. She didn't think that anyone would have noticed. Yes, she had been crying. Why did everything have to be so difficult? Where were the times when she thought that books had the answers to everything, when the most important things were to quarrel with Ron and save his and Harry's asses?  
  
"Don't look so bewildered, I've known you quite some time now. When you've cried there are some crinkles around your eyes, and they look totally different from those that appear when you're laughing. Plus, you always twitch your ear every 5 seconds or so. Care to tell me?"  
  
"No," Hermione turned her back to him, but he grabbed her shoulders and forced her to face him.  
  
"Hermione, what's up with you lately? Why are you so different?"  
  
"It's nothing, Harry, I'm just worn out, ok? Snape has nothing to do with it."  
  
/Not entirely true, but close enough./  
  
"So, what did he want, anyway?"  
  
"You don't need to know everything, Golden boy!" she stated.   
  
"Having a love affair with our potions master?" Harry smirked.  
  
Hermione thought just how ironical it was that they seemed to rather imagine her having a thing with Snape than Smith doing anything to her. She just rolled with her eyes and mumbled something under her breath. Harry could only hear the words "boys", "always" and "sex."  
  
"Of course, Harry, it would make SO much sense, he's the most handsome, most intelligent and kindest person I've ever met."  
  
"'Mione, are you being sarcastic right now? Because it really didn't sound like it." Again, Harry covered his face with an awful broad grin, and Hermione felt the urgent need to slam her fist in those beautiful white teeth.  
  
"Who's being a git right now, huh?"  
  
Suddenly they heard someone mumble behind them.  
  
"Git? Oi, 'Mione, you're here too?" mumbled a sleepy Ron before he drifted back to sleep again. Hermione giggled.   
  
"What did you guys do last night, that you're in that… mood?" she asked, choosing her words carefully.  
  
"Oh, Ron and I were visiting …er… the library?"  
  
"Do I believe that the two of you even KNOW where it IS? No."  
  
"We were just hanging around until late at night?"  
  
"The reason of that would be…?"  
  
"There has to be a reason for hanging around?" Harry asked in astonishment.  
  
"So where have you been tonight between … lets say 11 o'clock and…," after a considering look at Ron, "5 o'clock?"  
  
"You see, Hermione, I think you don't want to know that… You're a prefect you know, and maybe it would not be too good…"  
  
"Ok. Ok. You were in the girls dormitories?"  
  
Harry looked uncomfortable. "Er… yes."  
  
"I trust you have not done something indecent?"  
  
"Hermione, what is indecent for you?"  
  
"One of the three S's."  
  
"The WHAT?"  
  
"Stealing, spying, shagging," Hermione explained.   
  
Harry breathed out, obviously relieved.  
  
"No, unless you would have count the 's' from snogging also to the three S's."  
  
Hermione grinned. "My, my, so, who were the poor girls? I'd say no one from our grade, they're far too awake. I'd say Ginn's for you, but who was Ron's?"  
  
Harry blushed a little, but answered nevertheless. "It's one of Ginny's grade, Anna something, I can't remember surnames."  
  
Even though Hermione should have been disappointed by Ron snogging another girl, she wasn't. Ron was her friend, therefore she was happy for him if only he was happy. It had broken her heart when she had to break up with him, and she was relieved that it hadn't had too much influence to their friendship. After all, she thought, it might have really been only friendship she felt towards him.  
  
"Ron didn't mind you snogging his little sister? Are you serious?" she asked, a curious grin over her face.  
  
"Well, to put it bluntly, I don't think he even recognized his sister while he was busy with Anna."  
  
Hermione smiled. "Well, hope you were gentlemen all the time, weren't you?"  
  
"Sure," Harry grinned again, and then the school bell rang.  
  
While going outside Hermione mumbled something about that being the first lesson in which she hadn't spent any attention to Binns. She sighed.  
  
/Still it was the best hour since start of term./  
  
She had not been thinking about the DADA teacher for nearly the whole lesson.  
  
Then she looked at her schedule, and her good mood was blown away immediately.  
  
"Defence Against the Dark Arts" stood there in her own neat handwriting.  
  
-§-  
  
Would you like to read another chapter?  
Yes?  
Then why haven't you already pushed the review button??? :)


	8. Futile

**wavy**** avey, curlylein **(jaja, die SPC... sigh ;-) dafür in diesem wieder. Du musst aber auch mal wieder was posten ;-))** Angle1, Tamsy, Daine - Lilac, KDarkMaiden, someone28, CrazySwimmer27, Rachel, Queen Li, kristin, FEAngel258, lazy, Solitaire, ****shemhamforsh****, SilentSoul, Deb .. **(that's what I thought!)**,  me, Severia, wild child, Sunshine Cammie, Tiffie101, Sara D **(I hope you did well on your exam on Friday ;-))**, Cindy Lucy, kathryn, burn, bettywantstobelieve, xSnapeLoverx, Alanna, DodgerMcClure.aka.Drama-Queen, AnImEfReAk81, ann no aku, theophania, snickerdoodle, Greenstuff, lily;  
  
**THANK YOU!!   
  
**A/N:** New chapter! Hope you like it, even though I had some difficulties to write it. Enjoy!  
  
-**§-- 8.**** Futile --§-  
  
**The DADA-lessons were usually fun, at least for the most part of the class.  
  
Professor Smith went into the room with a big Lockhart-grin on his face.  
  
/How can he be so unaffected?/  
  
"Good morning, Students. We will take a close look at manticores today. Although I couldn't bring one up to class, I hope you understand, the house elves said they wouldn't want the mess, and blood is not very easy to remove."  
  
The class laughed. Hermione, however, did not.   
  
/Should that be funny?/  
  
"Anyway, I've got a life-size figure in my office, and I wanted to show it to you. Unfortunately, I couldn't bring it up here by myself. Would anyone be so kind as to bring it up here? Ronald? Harry?"  
  
Ron and Harry stood up and went out of the room, leaving Hermione rather alone.  
  
"The remaining students, however, will begin to write down everything you already know about manticores."  
  
Professor Smith began to walk through the room, looking over everyone's shoulders, correcting a sentence here, paying a compliment there.   
  
Then he came over to Hermione's desk. His closeness alone was enough to make Hermione feel sick.   
  
He drew even nearer and finally, he looked over her shoulder down to her work, his robes slightly swinging and touching her back.   
  
Hermione's hands began to tremble, but she tried to ignore him and wrote on her essay.  
  
"Ah, Miss Granger, I see…," his breath impacted with her ear. "Very good," he whispered, while he laid a hand over her shaken one. His body was pressed against hers for a short moment, then he left her.  
  
Hermione was sweating, and yet she was cold. Protectively she crossed her arms over her chest when her two best friends came with the big manticore figure into the classroom.   
  
The rest of the lesson went quite uneventfully, but Hermione knew it only was the silence before the storm.  
  
"Miss Granger, a word about the project you wanted to start," her teacher said at the end of the lesson, when nearly everyone else, except for Ron, Hermione and Harry, was gone.  
  
"But Professor, we have Potions right now!" Ron objected.  
  
"So? By the way tell Severus I said 'Hello'. He surely won't mind if I borrow his cleverest student for some minutes over time. You are dismissed."  
  
Harry and Ron shrugged and found it was senseless to argue about that.  
  
As soon as Smith had closed the door, he stepped daringly near her.  
  
"So, what have you told Snape?" he said calmly, though his look was rather panicked. He placed his hand on her back, forcing her body closer to his.  
  
"Answer me. What does he know?"  
  
"He doesn't know anything. It's not my fault," she said, trying to keep her voice from trembling.  
  
Her teacher grabbed her hair, forcing her lowered head to look up in his eyes.  
  
"Sure it is. I hope you could convince him with your… abilities," her teacher smirked, "that he will not tell anyone what he has seen."  
  
"He won't tell anyone."  
  
"Good," her professor's rough voice said, "I would hate to reveal our little secret." He then lowered his head to cover his lips with that of his student. His tongue forced her mouth to open and he massaged her tongue hard with his.  
  
He took the hand from her back and let it slip into her robes. His cold hand ran over her stomach, giving her the feeling of mucilaginous leeches crawling over her skin. She shivered disgustedly, but he didn't seem to notice. Instead he slowly slipped lower, touching her at her most intimate places.   
  
Hermione's mind was racing, yelling at her to do something against it, that this was wrong. But there was no way out of it. He hadn't only the control over her body, but her life.   
  
So she did, what she had always done; let her mind go numb, her body limp in his arms, trying to ignore the throbbing beneath her temple.   
  
Smith pressed his sweaty body against hers, aroused by the fact that that she had given in to him once more.  
  
-§-  
  
"Potter, where is Granger?" Snape asked stiffly when he noticed her seat was empty.  
  
Hermione was never late.  
  
"She had to talk about a project," Harry replied, wondering why Snape even asked, usually he would just take house points off as soon as person who's late appeared.  
  
"Project? What project?" he asked, suddenly a bit harsher, and a little bit more … concerned?  
  
'Snape concerned? Merlin, Harry, what a thought,' Harry barely smiled and answered his professor: "She's doing an extra work in Defence Against the Dark Arts. Professor Smith also wanted me to tell you that he says, 'Hello.'"  
  
The potion master's lips became thin. His eyes darkened and he looked angrier than he had ever been with any of his students. He was thinking rather impulsively, and he was just about to storm off when he remembered the remaining students in his class.  
  
"What are you gaping at?" he said in a forced calm voice, "You all have something to do, the ingredients are on the blackboard. And you, Longbottom, be bloody careful, because there's no Hermione Granger here to save your ass!"  
  
Snape was gone.  
  
He hurried down the large corridors of Hogwarts, trying to find the DADA classroom. When he finally found it, he didn't have enough courage to open the door.  
  
'She said I should just leave her. So why the hell am I here, trying to save her ass, if she doesn't even want it?' he wondered, though he knew it was crap. Nobody would want that. No matter if it was Hermione or any other person in that school, the bastard should be kicked out at this very moment, and not in there, maybe doing it again.  
  
He slammed the door open, walking into the classroom as if he would be able to brush aside any monster that dared to be in his path.  
  
When he searched around in the room, trying to find what he was afraid to see, his gaze met with a pair of wide-open brown eyes. Hermione stared at him, afraid of what he might do, and what consequences it would have for her. Smith, who was still with his back to the potions master, didn't see or hear anyone entering the room, and didn't stop touching Hermione.  
  
One moment, she thought she could hold him back, just by staring at him, warning him, pleading him to go out again and pretend he never saw them. He didn't move, one moment it seemed as if he really considered to follow her plea. Then he stepped forward, doing the only thing that felt right.  
  
Smith was grabbed at his collar by someone who stood behind him, and he felt his face impact with the cold stone wall. His body was pressed against the wall, and he wasn't able to see his attacker, but he sure as hell felt the pain.  
  
Hermione let out a yell when Snape pulled Smith away from her.  
  
/What is he about to do? He cannot help me! Why is he about to ruin my life with trying to help me?/  
  
Severus ignored her. He was busy keeping Smith at the wall, though he struggled rather hard.   
  
The potion master released his grip on the body in his hands, only to turn his victim around and look him in his eyes. When Smith recognized his attacker, a sneer appeared on his face.  
  
"Snape, huh? Aren't you supposed to have classes right now? Or have you decided to play hero for once, and save the innocent virgin from the bad tormentor, do you?" He still had that smug grin on his ugly face, and Snape decided to make him shut up.  
  
He slammed his fist into the face, a thing he wanted to do since the teacher arrived here. He soon had to learn that this wasn't about to make him keep his mouth shut.  
  
"I've news for you, Severus," Smith said, wiping of the blood which run from his face with his sleeve. "The innocent victim isn't an angel at all, and the thing with the virginity is also past." The sneer on Smith's face had appeared again.  
  
Again, Snape's fist connected with Smith's nose, this time a satisfying crack was heard.  
  
"Aaargh, Snape, you bastard, you broke my nose!" he yelled in a strange tone because he couldn't breath right.  
  
"Serves you right," Snape spit on the floor. "Keep your dirty hands away from my students, or you can collect other parts of your body on the floor as well."  
  
"Oh, is the big bat threatening me? Because, I must have you known, that our dear Hermione here is able to go whenever she wants."  
  
Snape shoot his student a confused look. Hermione was huddled up in a corner and had put her arms protectively over her head. Now she looked into Snape's eyes and said quietly and calmly, "I told you he has me in his hands."  
  
The potions professor shot his colleague a menacing look. "Out!"  
  
"Severus, this is MY classroom, meaning that I can be here whenever I want. If you want to go, then please, there's the door."  
  
Snape glared at him but didn't say anything more in his direction. "Miss Granger, I do believe you are supposed to have classes right now, so if you please come with me?" he asked, his voice strangely polite, forcing himself to say nothing stupid.  
  
He went to the corner where Hermione had cowered and looked at her expectantly. She stood up, still trembling, but recollected herself quickly and walked out of the room at Snape's side. Smith only glared at them, but there was nothing he could do. This time.  
  
They walked down the corridors of Hogwarts in silence, Snape was still tense, and Hermione was shaken, trying to keep up with her teacher.  
  
Suddenly, Snape lost the presence of Hermione next to him. Puzzled, he turned around to see a trembling Hermione on the floor. Her weak legs had finally given in. She didn't cry, and only quiet sobs left her mouth.  
  
The dark man knelt next to his student, and for one moment wondering what he was doing on the floor, trying to comfort the distressed girl he usually called 'Know-it-all.' He even decided to lay an arm around her trembling shoulders, but she winced under his touch, looking scared and shocked.  
  
"What does the man know that you are willing to endure that?" the professor asked, pulling his arm back from her shoulders.  
  
"If I could tell you, then I wouldn't let him do this," she said dryly.   
  
"What could be worse than that?" he answered, his voice seriously questioning.  
  
"You may not believe me, but there are worse things."  
  
"I DO not believe you, Miss Granger. I mean… No! You have to do something against it!"  
  
"Then he would run straight to Dumbledore."  
  
"Do you think Dumbledore would believe a rapist?"  
  
"He has proof. Dumbledore might start questioning me, and I'm a bad liar."  
  
"Still you could hide this thing with Smith very well. I don't suppose Potter or Weasley to know anything about it?"  
  
"No, they don't know…," Hermione whispered.  
  
"Great friends, aren't they?" In this moment, the old, sneering Snape appeared in front of her.   
  
She shot him a glare, and answered: "Yes, they are! They are my best friends, and I just don't want to bother them with it. They would do things even more stupid than you did, and that means something! You nearly messed everything up!"  
  
"You don't know the words 'thank you', do you?"  
  
"Do you think that that little show in there would CHANGE anything? As long as you don't tell the headmaster, he won't stop it."  
  
Snape already wanted to say something, but she ousted him. "And you are not going to run to Dumbledore," Hermione decided. Her voice sounded like McGonagall's. She stood up and Snape did the same, eying his student warningly.  
  
"Miss Granger," he said, "I'm still your teacher, and I decide what is good or bad for my students."  
  
"You've promised not to tell! Since when do you consider Gryffindors as 'YOUR' students?"  
  
"You're more my student than the one of this disgusting piece of filth."  
  
Hermione was a little taken aback by the reaction of Snape. She wouldn't have thought of him as a protective person.  
  
"Still you can not go to Dumbledore."  
  
"Then tell. Me. WHY!"  
  
"I can't tell you."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because you would tell!"  
  
"I wouldn't."  
  
"That doesn't matter anymore. Leave it."  
  
"No. Tell me what it is. Or I will go to Albus and tell him everything."  
  
"So you're forcing me to? You're not better than him."  
  
Snape bit his lip. What was she going on about?  
  
"I'm not forcing you. I want to help you," he said, and his voice softened a bit.  
  
"I don't need your help. I can manage this."  
  
The potions master let out a snort. "You can manage this? Is it that? Is it only your bloody pride?"  
  
"No, damn it! You just don't understand it!"  
  
"Says who? What do I need to understand? He is a teacher, therefore he is not supposed to sleep with one of the people he is teaching. More than that, the person he sleeps with doesn't want to do that, so he is raping you. Plus, the person is underage, another point why it's illegal. There is nothing more to understand, they'll take away his magic if you let them catch him."  
  
"It's not that easy at all."  
  
"Stupid girl, of course it is. Whatever you are hiding can't be that bad. I'm sure you're only paranoid."  
  
"I know I'm NOT!" she said, finally raising her voice.  
  
"You know, I don't have to wait for your permission to tell the headmaster," he said, glaring at her.  
  
"But why? What would it do to you if you tell him? He doesn't rape YOU!" Hermione yelled outraged.  
  
"No, he doesn't, but that doesn't mean I'm just going to ignore that! Besides, he teaches Defence…"  
  
"So that's what it's about? You want his job?? That's why you're playing the hero lately???" Hermione said, loosing it.  
  
'Is it that?' Snape wondered a moment. "No! I mean…," he decided that wouldn't be a bad reason, and a good argument for a commonly known greasy git like him - Better than admitting that he actually _knew_ what was right and wrong. "Well, I guess it's because of this. The guy's a prick anyway, so do you MIND?"  
  
Hermione wanted to scream of frustration, but she couldn't. Instead, she just looked at him annoyed and turned to walk away.  
  
"I guess I can't stop you from telling Dumbledore then. Must be a lucky day for you, you can fire a colleague and ruin a students life, at the same time. Better than Christmas, isn't it?" she said bitterly.  
  
Snape watched her walk away a moment, trying to figure out what to say about that. "Where are you going, Granger, you're supposed to have lessons, don't you?"  
  
Hermione didn't even look back at him, just waved her hand in dismissal and said calmly: "Doesn't matter anymore."  
  
-§-  
  
§gasp§ long chapter, wasn't it? I hope you enjoyed the little ... §coughs§ encounter with Smith and Snape.   
There isn't any chance that you would like to read more of it? Because if there is, you probably should consider the opportunity of reviewing. winks


	9. False Security

**Authors Note**: Alright, I owe you an apology. And I'm sorry it took me so long. I just couldn't work this out, and got frustrated with the whole thing. Not a really good excuse, but the only one I have. The other reason for the delay would be my laziness, not a better one either, is it?   
There's also another excuse I have to make, and that is for this chapter. It's not even half as good as one would wish with all the time I needed. I am sorry, especially since I know I could do much better, but there are still other chapters to come, so there's still hope.   
  
My sincere thanks go to all of my wonderful reviewers:  
**diane, ****awwwwwww, Queen Li, MorThreeo, Sunshine Cammie **(I laughed my ass of when I read your review ;))**, Deb .. **(nice ideas for punishment, have to remember that ;))**, Hermiionee, Olivier, Cindy Lucy **(Maybe you're right, that would be me, saying prick and piece of shit. Sorry for that.)** dryade, kathryn, marajade179, Severia, wavy avey, Greenstuff **(lol, not sure if I would consider it fun to write that stuff, but it's making my own problems seem less important)**, Wendynat, JustJeanette, ****totowizofoz, Tiffie101, wild child, Raclswt, theophania, DodgerMcClure.aka.Drama-Queen **(you're right, she does not deserve it, but who on earth does?)**, elfgirl, piper5050,   
Anger **(wow, your review was really interesting to read, you have quite a different point of view as the other ones. I must let you know, that Hermione won't grovel, as she has no reason to do so. Honestly, they only had an argument, and I think he hurt her also. He can not understand her properly, and vice versa. The problem is lack of conversation, and not that she is stupid and unthankful. She's just scared, and I wish you would try to understand the thing from her point of view also.)**,   
jessica Garcia **(I've watched love actually. Great movie, great actors. Alan Rickman is indeed a brilliant actor, though I liked Colin Firth better.)**, princess310889, snickerdoodle, FEAngel258, totallylost, IzzyMalfoy, Antigonesev, lazy, Sara D, yuer, Tracey Claybon, twister, Cinderella1, SilentSoul **(:P for me it was long ;-))**,** **ladyreason, aquana, Draco-Malfoy-Severus-Luva, Ariana Althena Evergreen, FieryWildChild, donotsrock, WTWFFN, TheBunnies, anonymous, Nocturnus, Azz, babygidgurl, Professor Farie, AnImEfReAk81, ROTCGirl, dazed§kitten, Dragonmaster Kurai, Sammy Rettop Malfoy, ****Davina Meaoru, metatrons-gurl, bugzz13th, Mandy, Katrina Tonak, BabyGiGurl, Bridget;  
**and of course a special thanks and a hug to my beta** LisaViola**!  
  
-**§-- ****9. False Security**** --§-****  
  
**Hermione did not return to potions. She didn't show up at lunch, and neither did she attend Care of Magical Creatures. Ron and Harry got really concerned about her in the evening when there was still no sign of her.  
  
They wondered if she had gotten sick, but she wasn't in the infirmary, and neither was she in the library. It wasn't like Hermione to skip classes just like that.  
  
Back in their common room, they asked Lavender and Parvati to go up to their dormitory and look if she was there.  
  
The two girls returned just some minutes later only to tell them that Hermione appeared to have locked herself up in her bed, and had put a charm around her curtains that no one could lift.  
  
Although Harry and Ron wondered what happened to Hermione, they decided to leave her alone at least until tomorrow.  
  
Hermione had been hiding in her bed for some hours. She had listened to her dorm mates yelling, but she wouldn't lift the spell.  
  
She could not stand to face them. Not after what she had done, and what Snape was probably about to do.  
  
He could not understand. No one would. The only thing that seemed to count was to stay here - to stay in Hogwarts, with her friends who were almost her family. This safe place had meant nearly everything to her. It had become her home after spending almost six years of her life in this castle.  
  
Hogwarts was the only footing in her life, a place where nothing ever seemed to change.  
  
She hated Smith for taking away her sanctuary. She hated him for taking away her privacy, her intimacy. He had stolen her youth together with her virginity, and it seemed as if those joyful moments in Hogwarts had been ages ago.  
  
Probably, it would be for the best if she left.  
  
She could have a new start. She could leave everything behind her. Forget about Snape, about Smith, and about last summer.  
  
Deep inside she knew, she would never be able to leave last summer behind her.  
  
There it was, again. She had avoided thinking about it all the time, but now the pain was right there again. Emotions and memories flooded back to her once again, threatening to overwhelm her.  
  
She closed her eyes, trying to avoid what she knew she could not stop. Hermione felt her head go dizzy already, and her vision seemed to blur from the tears that appeared in her eyes.  
  
Desperately, she grabbed her schoolbag that she had tossed onto her bed earlier. She scanned threw her things hurriedly, searching for something, anything...  
  
She sighed in relief when her fingers clutched hard, cold metal. It was the key for the door to the house of her parents. She would not need it when she was at Hogwarts, but it was a habit of her to take it wherever she went.  
  
She tried to push away the thought of her home, her own room, the house where she grew up.   
  
The only vital part was the sharp ending of the key, and the relief that would come with its contact with her skin.  
  
She pushed up the sleeve of her robes and it took her only one moment to draw the key in the right position. Hardly half an inch away from the arteries, she placed the jagged edge of the key to her wrists. The cold metal impacted with her hot flesh and just one skilled movement of her right hand made it slit deeper into her wrist.  
  
Hermione inhaled sharply, but let go of her breath and relaxed when she saw how the hot slash began to fill up with red liquid. The first drop of her blood that ran down took all her emotions with her. Every sorrow that had built up inside her now left with ease, and Hermione lay down on her bed silently. She closed her eyes, her throat hurt because of suppressed tears.  
  
She only wished sleep would come and seclude her from reality.  
  
-§-  
  
Severus was pacing in front of the fireplace in his room, trying to sort out the mess that was his mind.   
  
After Hermione had left him standing stunned in the corridor, he hadn't found time to think things through without distractions.  
  
He had been distracted in all of his classes and nearly failed to notice when one of the third year Hufflepuffs blew up his cauldron.  
  
After dinner he had stormed into his office, poured himself some fire whiskey and let himself drop into an armchair, only to stand up again to pace around in his room.   
  
His first intention was to head to Dumbledore's office and tell him the tale immediately.  
  
It would be for the best. Albus would understand, he would be angry at Smith, kick him out of Hogwarts and contact the ministry of magic. Snape could stop worrying about the number one student of Hogwarts, and he could stop to pondering about why exactly he wanted to save her from Smith so badly, and Hermione could go back to her friends and be her cheerful self.  
  
It was now after dinner, he would have had enough occasions to go to Dumbledore, but yet he had not told the old man.  
  
What was preventing him?  
  
'Am I really such a cold-hearted bastard?' he wondered. 'If I really cared, wouldn't I have gone to Dumbledore a long time ago? Wasn't it the most logical thing to do?'  
  
He took a sip from his whiskey and swallowed it down his dry throat. Their argument this morning was still replaying in his head.  
  
_"But why? What would it do to you if you tell him? He doesn't rape YOU!"_   
  
_"So that's what it's about? You want his job?? That's why you're playing the hero lately???"  
  
_Was the only reason he wanted to help her because of the job he craved for so long? Probably he would not even get the job if Smith left. Dumbledore had always succeeded in keeping him from teaching the subject. Except 4 years ago, when Lupin was teaching DADA, but even then it was probably only a week.  
  
What would he gain from helping her out of the situation? He never liked her, or her friends, Gryffindors generally and Potter's lot specifically.  
  
But was that really a reason for leaving her life this miserable?  
  
There were a lot of things he had seen during his time as a Death Eater, and not few of them had he done himself. He sometimes had to watch at least three of his "friends" lunge at a girl who was even younger than Hermione was. They would have their enjoyment and then they would kill her. She was only a minor toy to them.  
  
Severus often wondered if they had ever seen in the eyes of one of their playthings. Had they seen the pain that he had seen? The haunted look showed fear beyond imagination and pain above the Cruciatus curse.  
  
Severus had seen them all. He had not been able to look away. He would not have denied what he had done by only watching them. The guilt came from the knowledge that he had never done anything to stop them. But it was not only the liability which made him lock his gaze with the victim. He was mesmerized by the fact that every single girl that had to endure the torture of the Death Eaters showed the same fear. It was not mortal fear. Actually, their looks seemed to plead for them to end their life.  
  
The only thing they were scared of, Snape realized after a while, was that they would do it again.  
  
It was beyond his imagination why Hermione would not do anything against it.  
  
That was probably the reason why he hadn't gone to Dumbledore yet.  
  
He had to find out what she was hiding.  
  
-§-  
  
In the early morning of the next day, Hermione decided it would be time to face the world.   
  
She was surprised that no one broke the spell. Of course, her mates couldn't break it, it was advanced magic, after all, but if McGonagall or Dumbledore would have wanted to talk to her, the curtains wouldn't be a problem.  
  
But they never came. Hermione wondered if Snape really held his promise and didn't tell them, even though it seemed unrealistic. If Snape would start to obey a student's plea, something could only be wrong.  
  
Harry and Ron eyed her carefully when she sat down next to them at breakfast, but decided to question her later and just greeted her friendly, glad that their friend was okay again.   
  
They did not notice the glances Hermione shot towards the staff table, trying to figure out what happened yesterday, and why nothing had changed.  
  
Professor Snape was his normal self, sitting sourly in front of his plate and sneering now and then, giving a snide side remark to the conversations his colleagues had. Smith seemed as joyful as ever, though Hermione could tell that there was a kind of tension in his face, not able for anyone else to see.  
  
The two men who momentary controlled her life acted as if they would not notice that the place next to Potter and Weasley, which had been empty yesterday, was seated again with Hogwart's brightest student. Mentally, both of them sighed with relief and concern.  
  
Smith noticed Hermione's absence yesterday at dinner, and he was anxious. He had been caught, and it could only be a bad sign if the girl wasn't there, just when she obviously had spoken to Snape some hours ago. On the other hand, it was weird enough that Snape hadn't done anything so far. It had been some days since he walked in his office and found the two of them, and still the other man hadn't done anything serious to him, except for braking his nose, but did he honestly think that THIS was about to stop him? He'd had it fixed again in less than one minute.  
  
For a short time, he was glad Hermione was out of his way. If she just stayed away from everyone else, she wouldn't be able to tell anyone. But now she was here again, and he knew he couldn't resist.  
  
Snape would watch his very move from now on, and Smith knew it. He wouldn't dare make any step out of the line at the moment. But Snape wouldn't be watching her forever, and the DADA teacher was very patient.  
  
-§-  
  
Slowly, everything seemed to get normal again.  
  
Hermione spent more time with Harry and Ron again, feeling comfortable and warm around them. They would make a trip down to Hagrid's, or play wizard chess. Sometimes they just sat in the common room and talked, laughed or fought. Even simple things like doing their homework together made Hermione smile peacefully.   
  
Smith hadn't attacked her since the incident with Snape, and Hermione felt like she could breathe the first time in ages, although he still threw her dangerous glances in the DADA lessons, and she felt his eyes on her at every meal.  
  
Those eyes, which seemed to strip every clothes on her body... which said that she still was his, that he still owned her. It would only be a matter of time when he would touch her again.  
  
Hermione ignored it. She ignored the nagging voice inside her head, telling her to watch out, to be scared, anxious, and she should better run. She didn't want to run. Hogwarts was her home. She enjoyed every moment with her friends, more so because she knew at any time it could be over.   
  
At any time, she wouldn't have enough strength to pretend everything was fine, and then she couldn't see them again. Yet, she was still here, and Smith hadn't touched her.   
  
She would not be waiting for him.  
  
**-§-  
  
**I wouldn't dare to forget this: Merry Christmas to you all!  
I won't push you to review this time... I'm afraid some will bite my head off. §hides in the corner§


	10. Seeking Sanctuary

A/N: Hello! Yes, I'm here. I'm alive, sound and all. I realize it's been a while… alright, it's been AGES. And I am sorry. There was just this awful time when nothing came out of my brain, into my fingers and then to the keyboard… in short, a writers block. I've got it rather bad, seeing as how I've read so many fantastic stories, and knowing I'm not half as good. :-/ But you guys are great, I still got reviews after those 4 months, and I think it's a miracle, and I really, really didn't want to leave you hanging, guys.   
  
**KDarkMaiden****, Kiristeen, xSnapeLoverx** (sorry to dissapoint you, but i guess there willl be probably more cutting. Maybe ooc, but on the other hand, considered the circumstances... :-/)**,** **wildchild247msn.com, someone28, Deb .. .,** **Jess16, Ipo** (i've e-mailed you, but thank you again for you review.)**, dryade **(no, this will definately need time.)**,** **Tiffie101, Sunshine Cammie, wavy avey** (:P you can cough as much as you want, i wouldn't tell you if it had anything to do with her own father raping her... i may be really sick, but that's a bit too much, even for me. ugh)**, Cianna Greenwood **(hope you're not offended that i didn't e-mail you.)**, Brittany** **Malfoy**(i won't tell you more than others, that wouldn't be fair. I sincerly hope you will survive ;-))**, Professor Farfie **(after reading your review a certain girl [me] started to sing out loud: it's like rain on your wedding day... §lol§ oh well, have very little self-control!)**, Davina Meaoru, coldasice, Joshua Glass, tortify, Greenstuff, snickerdoodle, awwwwwww, curlylein** (nachdem Deutsch meine Muttersprache ist, erlaube ich dir großzügigerweise, ein deutsches review zu hinterlassen. §g§ Jaja, der authoralert. Spinnt bei mir auch immer. §grummel§ und nun beeil dich mal und mach deine Muse feuer unterm Arsch, du hast schon ewig nicht mehr gepostet!!)**, snapesucks **(lol, just wanted to ask why your name is 'snapesucks' when you read storys like mine. :)), **Smeagol/Sesshluva** (Your reviews were a bit strange, but so yeah.. i'm glad you liked it in the end. I wonder what changed your opinion, so tell me?)** TheCrow-R.I.P-BL, Antigonesev, Time Bob87, Tammy **(it has that effect on me, too, but unfortunately i need him for the sake of the story... just a bit longer;-))**, Davina Meaoru **(there's just one answer to this: writers block. Look, i'm really sorry, but sometimes i just get stucked, i have so much ideas, but i just cannot get myself to write it down, i don't find the right words. It doesn't help that even i have a life.. Anyway, i hope you forgive me and enjoy the chap!)** jessica garcia, QueenBonnie **(lol, ich war total geschockt, mal wieder ein deutsches review zu kriegen, hat mich aber trotzdem gefreut)**, fryesdestiny, QueenBonnie **(now again in english, huh? I like your idea of the project.)**, Lacewing, hugsalot22990, Harpys Pistol, Smeagol/Sesshluva** (again, please tell me what changed your mind, because i do take criticism seriously, though it was rather a flame... ;-))**, anonymous, star no star, sweetbabe, samantha snape, RetroTreasure, FieryWildChild, skyscape, Tired Recluse, coldfire05, Tiger][Wolf]168, F75 **(even though I'm not sure if you made it until now)**, dark.milady **(thanks for the offer! I have a beta already, but I do appreciate it. You're French? Interesting, I'm German, Austrian to be exact.)**, potts, ****x Raya; SilentSoul **(Thank you for your review, I appreciate that even though you must be mad at me you still review to make me update. :)) Thanks to **LisaViola**, my beta. §hugs§  
  
Can you forgive me? (and review?)  
  
–**§- 10.**** Seeking Sanctuary -§-**  
  
Everything had worked out fine.  
  
Smith hadn't made any wrong move since the scene in his classroom with Snape, and Hermione had seemed to regain part of her joyfulness again, though those who really knew her could see the longing gaze she threw out of the windows from time to time, appearing like a bird in a cage, wishing to be free again.   
  
Snape had been eying both of them carefully enough to know that the peace was only short-lived.  
  
Smith might have controlled his hands, but he could not control the glances he shot towards Hermione every meal.  
  
Severus had known that all Smith needed was the feeling of being safe and unobserved and he would do it again. So he hadn't given him that feeling.  
  
He couldn't be everywhere, though, and he only had two hands, and two eyes.   
  
No matter how hard he might have tried, he would have never been able to save Hermione from her teacher every time.  
  
No matter how often he told himself that, it was only cold comfort now.  
  
It had been some hours since he had been disturbed in his thoughts by a shy and barely audible knock on his door. Because of his recently developed insomnia, he had been sitting in his office, trying to mark papers.  
  
It was too late. No one would come to see him that late at night, maybe except for Dumbledore, but the word "shy" would never fit the headmaster. It had to be the only person whose appearance Snape had dreaded. He had known which fragile hand had caused the knock on his door the very instant he heard the sound, and he had known the only reason why said person would ever come to visit him, the redoubtable potions professor.  
  
-§- Flashback -§-  
  
Hermione ran along the empty floors of Hogwarts at midnight. She couldn't focus, everything seemed to blur in front of her. He mind was spinning and every part of her body ached. Her hair was curly and wild, hanging in her face, and her robe was untidy and looked as if it had been thrown over her trembling body recklessly. She hadn't even taken the time to button it up, instead it swirled around her body loosely, revealing her skirt and blouse.   
  
The purple bruises around her ankles hurt, and her stomach seemed to be aflame. Every fibre of her body seemed to scream at her, aching.   
  
She couldn't make out where she was running, but it didn't matter to her. Just away from that room, from that man, away from the pain.  
  
Afterwards, she didn't know how she got there, but somehow her feet seemed to find their way down to the dungeons on their own. She could not go to Gryffindor, where questions and sorrows would haunt her.  
  
Almost an instant after her weak hand had knocked on the heavy door, the potion master's face appeared in front of her.  
  
He seemed as if he had been awaiting her.  
  
Hermione would not believe this, of course, but it seemed quite irrelevant at the moment anyway, she let go of that thought. For a moment, he locked his gaze with hers, then he opened the door swiftly and let her step into the office.  
  
They didn't speak. Severus didn't know any words of comfort, and he doubted that it would be of any use. Miss Granger stood in the centre of his office unsteadily, she didn't so much as recognize where she was.  
  
Her eyes were blank.  
  
It scared him how familiar this look was. When did this happen? When did the annoying, yet livid girl become that foreign person without emotion? How could he have been so oblivious to it?  
  
It wasn't as if he hadn't noticed what was happening to her, the way she constantly changed. Yet he had always been deliberate, trying to find out what would be the best way to act. One was not a Death Eater and a spy for the Light side without becoming cautious and wary. He had long ago stopped to see the world in white and black, and was only too aware that there were more solutions to a problem than one. While figuring out what to do, he failed to understand that the only thing that this young woman needed was release from the tormenting she had to endure way to long.   
  
No matter how much Hermione would beg him to stay silent, no matter what she had done, it had to end.  
  
Hermione was breathing harder now, as if she had trouble lifting her chest. Her world began to spin around once again, but Snape didn't notice it. Instead he said, "You are hurt. Tell me what he has done to you, so I can give you the appropriate potion."   
  
She glanced up at him, only to lower her eyes to her abdomen, where she clutched her hands over the white blouse.   
  
Just in time, Severus saw that her eyes rolled up inside her head, and Hermione collapsed onto his floor.   
  
Severus reaction was quick. He lifted his arms immediately, catching her back and holding her limp body close to his to prevent her from falling. He put another arm under the hollows of her knees and lifted her up to his chest.   
  
Considering where to place her, he pushed the door open and strode through his living quarters, aiming for the black sofa in his study. Severus spent most of his time here, with each wall full of book shelves and a big desk in the centre, two armchairs by the fireplace and a black leather sofa next to the door, facing the desk.  
  
He gently placed her body onto the cold leather.   
  
Severus kneeled beside her, watching her pale face. His long, slender fingers took her wrist, searching for a pulse. When he looked down, he made out the purple wound on her skin, probably from handcuffs. He let go immediately in disgust.   
  
Instead, he drew his hand to her neck, feeling the slow but steady heartbeat. His fingers stayed a moment longer on her skin than they needed to, absorbing the sensation of the creamy, soft skin under his touch.   
  
He retreated as soon as he was conscious of touch, and instead spent more attention to her body, trying to find out where she was hurt.   
  
It was then that he first noticed that her other hand was still protectively laid over her abdomen, although the grip had loosened. Taking a closer look, he saw that there was something seeping through the white fabric of her blouse. Something that looked suspiciously like -   
  
'Blood.'  
  
Sickened, Severus lifted Hermione's arm and let it fall on her hips instead.  
  
While he carefully unbuttoned her, he couldn't help but feel like a molester. Wasn't he doing something she would never allow him to do if she was conscious?   
  
'Nonsense, I'm trying to help her, and that's that.'  
  
He only opened the lowest buttons, but the sensation stayed, but soon it was replaced by a wave of shock and nausea.  
  
He had lifted the fabric that hid her belly and what he saw did not even cover his expectations.   
  
Her whole abdomen was blood smeared, old wounds inflicted by knifes, whips, probably cigarette burns and other various things were all over her sore skin.   
  
The causes of the blood were slashes on her lower abdomen. Red, infected and still bleeding lines created four letters that forced Severus' stomach twist.   
  
'Mine'  
  
Sometime between Hermione passing out and reading this word, Severus began to wish this would all be a nightmare. But instead of giving in to the longing of blissful ignorance, he felt anger rise up inside him.  
  
He wanted to kill Smith. He wanted to murder him slowly, painfully, let him have part of the agony this girl had to go through. He wanted to hear him screaming and pleading, and begging for forgiveness that would never be granted.   
  
Never was the temptation to use one of the Unforgiveables so big.   
  
He stood up and got a blanket so that she wouldn't freeze, then strode into his lab, where he kept his pain relieving and wound-healing potions stored. Looking up to the shelves, he soon spotted what he was looking for: the purple liquid he once used to heal Hermione's cut; a blue potion which healed the wounds from the inside; and a pale green salve, which was used to clean severe wounds that they would not get infected and to numb the pain. He would think about which one to use later.  
  
While stretching to reach them, his arm knocked over a flask of cleaning potion. The scattering glass and the spilled potion gave Severus the last kick to lose his patience and he drove his arm over the table top, throwing down various potion vials, ingredients and preparation items. Shattering glass and varicoloured liquids hit the stone floor loudly.   
  
When the surface was clean from all his working stuff, he rested his hands on the table, head facing the table top and breathing harsh and angrily.  
  
'Contain yourself. You are of no use when you lose control over the situation,' he reminded himself sternly, but he couldn't help but feel useless anyway.   
  
Where did all these emotions come from? He had spent half of his life ridding himself of feelings like that, or feelings in general. But the look in those eyes, the familiar, empty look which haunted him in his sleep, the countless girls who visit his dreams just to whisper pitiful pleas in his ear. He might not have been able to save any other girl from the clutches of their tormentors, but he wasn't a Death Eater here in Hogwarts. For once, he was not bound to keep any cover.  
  
That moment, Severus vowed to save Hermione from Smith, determined to bring back the annoying Know-It-All Granger at any costs.  
  
The strangest thought occurred to him then; he wouldn't do it because he _had_ to. All the sins he still tried to pay for had nothing to do with this situation. He would do it because he _wanted_ to have her back.  
  
Shaking his head as if to clear himself of these confusing thoughts, he turned his attention to the vials in front of him.   
  
Severus reflected shortly what he should do: If he woke her, he could easily administer the potion that only had to be drunk, and her wounds, at least those from this night, would vanish. But in Hermione's condition it was more than likely that she would panic at the mere sight of him, not to mention that he had touched her and seen her wounds.  
  
If he chose to put the potion straight onto her skin, the worst wounds would have healed until she woke up, and even if she panicked he would definitely have an easier job calming her down.  
  
In any case, he needed to spread the salve onto the slashes, or he couldn't ensure her health. He probably really should wake her, but truth to be told, he was a lot better at handling unconscious people than panicked and crying girls.   
  
One thing was for sure: If he wouldn't do something soon, she would loose too much blood and the visit in the infirmary was something she surely wanted to avoid.   
  
Why had he waited so long?   
  
Picking up the potions he came looking for, he re-entered the study.  
  
-§-  
  
It was a hopeless sight he met: Hermione had her legs drawn closer to her stomach in attempt to protect her still unconscious form, one arm had slid back in front of her abdomen, the other hung limp from the edge of the sofa.  
  
Severus stepped closer, watching her face intensely. Several locks of her bushy brown hair hung into the deathly pale face, her pink, arid lips were slightly parted. The eyes were still shut, but her brows were furrowed, leaving the impression that she wasn't even relaxed in a sleeping state.   
  
Which brought him back to the problem of hand: He drew out his wand and muttered a sleeping charm, ensuring that she wouldn't awake while he was touching her. Her breath evened out and she wouldn't wake by herself for the next hour or so.   
  
Then he kneeled himself next to her, the healing salve grasped tightly in his right hand, his teeth gritted. While he wasn't what one would call delicate and had to endure torture himself for twenty years, he would admit freely that he was not good in helping other people - even more so, when those 'other people' were young girls who were innocent and hadn't deserved the punishment received in any way.   
  
Because of that, Severus hesitated when his fingers were about to touch the wound. He found it disgusting, and he clearly never thought he would be doing this. But Miss Granger needed his help, and quite opposite to common belief, he cared a great deal about his students.  
  
'Yes, about my students,' he thought, emphasizing the word 'student' just to remind him why he was doing this.  
  
Gently, as he hadn't been with any other human being for a long time, he put down the salve onto her skin.  
  
Having had way too much experience with any kind of healing potions, he knew the exact reaction of the body to the potion; and _that _was not what it was supposed to be: Hermione's skin seemed to be encircled with a magenta glow as soon as the potion touched her. Instead of absorbing the ointment, Hermione's body seemed to repel it, beading it to drops which ran down her side.  
  
Severus frowned, quickly searching his mind for information; but there was only one thing that could have caused this reaction, and Severus was not at all familiar with the ancient spell, he didn't even know the name of it. For all he knew, it was one of the more complex spells. It was used rarely even in the Death Eater meetings. The charm would keep him from interfering with the wounds, which didn't necessary mean that she would die. It really WAS complex, but the spell was invented purely for tortures sake. It slowed down the progress of the wound, which was the reason why he hadn't seen the blood earlier.   
  
The reason why it wasn't as popular as the Cruciatus with Death Eaters was simply because they usually tortured their victims to death. Severus could only recall one time, where this curse was used, and that was while Lucius Malfoy was 'persuading' a ministry man to let Crabbe, Sr. out of Azkaban once more. The curse was performed after hours of torture, the ministry official was broken long before, and the curse gave him just enough energy that he was able to apparate to his home. After that, Lucius had told Severus that the official would be surprised when he found out later that no potions would help. Actually, the wound would heal even slower than the muggle way.   
"Nasty, that one," Lucius had laughed, and Severus had forced a grin on his lips.   
  
Severus, again, felt his temper getting the better of him. He wasn't able to think straight, except for that one instinct to hunt Smith down and hurt him, badly. Feeling his pulse pounding between his temples, he concentrated only on the main target and let his body do the work.  
  
He stood up and walked to the dark corner in his store-room where he kept the potions which needed more 'discretion'. Picking up a small reddish vial, he walked out of his quarters with a fast pace, leaving the sleeping patient to herself.  
  
In vain, Severus tried to get his anger under control. Not that he fought that hard; he wanted Smith to feel the wrath he held against him, but storming in his chamber without any self composure wasn't going to get him anywhere.   
  
While gliding soundlessly, yet aggressively through the silent corridors, Severus thought it was a stupid thing for Smith to do.  
  
'It doesn't make any sense. Why is he doing this to her all of a sudden? Wouldn't he think others would get suspicious? What was he thinking, keeping her until after curfew!? Her dorm mates will notice if she wasn't in her bed at that time!'  
  
Just then, Snape realized that they probably really wouldn't. Smith had played his games since the beginning of term, and nobody had ever noticed or said anything about Hermione disappearing from time to time, or this would have ended long ago.   
  
The injuries were bad, though. Hermione wouldn't be able to hide them well, even though they were on her stomach. They were still bleeding and Severus doubted that she would be able to go through the next week without fainting at least once a day. Smith had never done something so drastic before, and Severus wondered why he did it in the first place. Of course if Hermione would pose a threat...  
  
He couldn't finish the thought, because he found himself in front of Smith's chambers. Being a teacher, Severus knew of the entrance through the picture with the setting sun, it was a security measure.  
  
Of course, it was warded with various spells and charms, but nothing Severus hadn't broken before. Soon enough, Severus found himself standing in the middle of Smith's pitch-dark quarters.   
  
A little disoriented, he tried to remember where Smith's bedroom was while waiting for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. Silently he sneaked forward towards the nearest door. A quick glance told him that he had to be in the kitchen, and he retreated smoothly.  
  
He opened two other doors before finally reaching his destination. There was only one room left, this had to be Smith's bedroom. A quick disguising charm later, Snape opened the door as silently as possible, only to be nearly put off by the intense smell of sweat, blood and other body fluids. Severus features hardened as vivid images of torture and abuse in this very room flooded his mind and reminded him unnecessarily of the reason he was here. He turned towards the bed, seeing the silhouette of a sleeping Professor Smith in the dim moonshine that seeped through the window.  
  
'How can he sleep with this stench? The man belongs to St. Mungo's. Pity that he won't have a chance to get there once I'm finished with him,' Severus thought grimly to himself.  
  
It was evident that he had at least cast a cleaning spell, or it would have been even worse, but obviously that spell did not much for the room's air.  
  
Severus sneaked forward, reaching the end of the four-poster. Disgusted, he watched as Smith seemed to smile satisfied in his sleep.  
  
Stepping around the bed to the left side, Severus leaned down slowly, only stopping when he felt the other man's even breathing at his throat. Severus reached into his pocket and retrieved a short dagger. Holding it closely to Smith's throat, Severus breathed in the younger man's ear: "Sleeping well, are you, _Nathaniel_?"  
  
The body beneath him stirred a moment, before stilling completely. Severus leaned backwards to observe if Smith had opened his eyes already. 'Bingo', he thought, smirking to himself while watching Smith staring blankly, yet anxious into a shadow where usually would have been Severus' face.  
  
"Who are you? What are you doing in my chambers?" Smith asked, quite anxious. Snape chuckled menacingly.  
  
"But didn't you expect me here?" he asked in a soft, innocent voice, that didn't suit him at all. "Ah, and I thought my warning the other day was clear enough, even for you to understand!" his voice grew more and more like a dangerous snarl now.   
  
Smith's eyes got wide in understanding. When suddenly, he spun around to his right to reach the wand that lay at the nightstand next to him. Snape saw the move even before it happened and cast a quick binding spell to the man's body, relieving only the head.  
  
"Wrong move, Smith," he stated coldly, lifting the disguising charm and taking away the dagger that had still been placed at Smith's throat. Locking eyes with the other teacher, Severus retrieved from his robes the bottle he pocketed earlier.  
  
Seeing the panicked expression on Smith's handsome features inspired Severus to smirk again, satisfied. "Oh, don't worry, it doesn't hurt. You will only feel very calm and relaxed."  
  
Then he forced his mouth open roughly, pouring the liquid inside and pushing the chin upwards, that he wouldn't spill everything out again. He unhurriedly placed the vial at the nightstand and then held Smiths nose, so that he would have to drink the liquid if he didn't fancy suffocation.  
  
Which was, fortunately, not the case, and soon the expression of fear in Smith's face changed into the one of ease and contentment. Severus lifted the charms that held Smith to the bed and harshly commanded, "Get up, get dressed and then come to the living room. Take your wand with you."  
  
Then he left the other man, who followed his command immediately and without objections. Severus stepped again into the living room - the centre of Smith's quarters - and muttered a lightening charm. He watched as the room lit up slightly, showing him nothing out of the ordinary: a couch, a fireplace, two armchairs; the usual furnishing.   
  
Snape snorted to himself, of course it wouldn't be obvious what everyone's favourite teacher did in his free time, but yet it set him into an unease that he was the only one in this castle, with the exception of Miss Granger, who knew what was behind the facade of the always helpful and friendly Professor Smith.   
  
That was not the only thing unsettling him, though. He didn't like the unnatural calm look on Smith's face at all; he should have been squirming and trembling, his eyes should have shown that fear and uncertainty that they had previously. Severus felt as if Smith had won already and only mocked him with making him believe that he had the upper hand.   
  
Of course, that was not the case; it was merely the effect that the Imperius Potion had onto the one who drunk it. It was the other effect that was important, though: control over the actions of said drinker without objections, due to the calm and happy feeling the liquid creates in the body, that the drinker doesn't question the request. The reason why this potion was not as 'famous' as the it's brother curse, despite the fact that it was a lot more difficult to detect, was that it only held on for some minutes.   
  
'Hopefully enough to get Smith down to my own quarters,' Snape thought.  
  
Just then Smith emerged from his bedroom, and with him the atrocious smell. Severus frowned and almost flinched; the smell brought out every bad memory he had of those Death Eater raids and missions he ever received from the Dark Lord. It wasn't any advantage to Smith, though, because it only increased his rage and his determination to help Miss Granger - yet the only one wasn't beyond remedy already.  
  
Severus head spun around to face the other teacher only to see the utterly blissful expression and snarled, "Go to my chambers."  
  
He then strode across the room on a quick pace, determined to get it over with as fast as possible.   
  
The walk down to the dungeons was uneventful, Severus was close behind Smith, watching his every step and trying to ignore the look of contentment on the DADA professor.   
  
When they finally reached Severus' quarters Smith stopped abruptly, waiting for the next commands. Severus considered telling him to counter the curse on Hermione immediately, but he was afraid that the potion was running out of effect. It wouldn't do if Smith came to his senses with his wand aimed at Hermione.   
  
While thinking about it, Severus noticed that his colleague seemed to come out of his stupor. Quickly he disarmed him and a body binding spell later Smith found himself levitated into the other room, although fully aware of what was happening. Snape shot him a dangerous glance, but otherwise left him hovering in mid air, watching the other man approach Hermione.  
  
Cautiously Severus went to the couch where Hermione laid, just the way he left her. Drawing out a harsh breath he kneeled down in front of her face, trying to shield her from Smith's view.   
  
A streak of her wild, bushy had fallen into her face, and Severus gently pushed it behind her ear. Then he called out softly, just above a whisper, "Miss Granger!"   
  
She didn't so much as stir, so he reached out and laid his hands on each side of her head, palms over her ears. "Miss Granger!" he said again, a bit louder. He then rubbed his thump slightly at her temple, but stopped abruptly, thinking it was probably a bit too much touching on his part and at the same time wondering why he didn't just 'enervate' her. He did not realize that Smith was still watching him closely from his corner of the room.  
  
Hermione opened her eyes slowly, not trusting what she was going to see. Severus held her head in a light grip, directing her view to his eyes. She blinked once to process the thought that Professor Snape had woken her and that she was at a place she did not recognize at all. Just before Hermione could panic, Snape started talking to her, locking her eyes resolute with his to stop them from wandering around and discover Smith hovering in the corner.  
  
"Miss Granger, it is of dire importance that you listen to me and look at me only. You have been injured very badly and unfortunately I was not able to heal your wounds due to a complex charm that has been laid over your body. This charm can only be removed by the caster. Can you follow me?"  
  
Hermione nodded slightly, her head still trapped in Snape's hands. However, when she realized that it would mean another encounter with Smith, blank fear crept into her eyes, and it didn't take another moment to find her squirming out of Snape's grip, trying to escape.  
  
Severus held her more tightly, forcing her to look into his eyes once again.  
  
"Now is not the time. You wouldn't want to explain Madame Pomfrey how you got those wounds on your stomach, would you?"  
  
She stared at him in disbelief.  
  
/He saw me... He touched me!/ her mind screamed at her, and she felt more than ever like a trapped animal that had just been slapped hard across the face.   
  
Hermione really was an open book if one knew how to read expression, and at the moment it seemed as if 'Panic' was written right across her features. Severus grabbed her shoulders and forced her yet again into listening.  
  
"Look, I know how you feel about this, but there really is no time!" he practically shouted at her. Patience wasn't a talent that Severus could call his own, and quite frankly, he did not have to nerves to deal with this now. Smith's presence in this room made him uncontrolled and nervous enough as it was.  
  
"Smith will remove the spell, and then you will drink the blue potion on the table. You will go to your dormitory as soon as the potion sinks in and you are fully healed."  
  
He stared at her intensely, willing her to understand that he wanted to help her. Hermione thought he was finished when he spoke up again, very quietly, "You must trust me."  
  
She nodded very slowly, trying to keep the panic inside her in check. If there was someone who could help her, it was him, and Hermione decided that trusting Severus Snape would not be so difficult. He was a man of his word, after all.  
  
Then Snape moved his head into the direction where Smith hung in the air and Hermione followed his gaze. Despite her efforts, she failed to keep the trembling from showing at seeing the man who tormented her so soon again.  
  
Snape stood up swiftly, walking towards the hovering figure that was Smith and lifted the spells. Professor Smith found himself on the floor, a wand directed threateningly at him. He stared up to Snape, who looked at him with such an intense hate and malice that an uncertain feeling crept down his back, warning him not to do anything imprudent if he wanted to live.  
  
Severus leaned down to be face to face with Smith while still not breaking the eye contact, coming so near that Smith could feel his breath on his skin. "If you try any games, Smith, you will have a quite detailed perception of what it means to be on the receiving end of the Dark Lord's wrath. Believe me, I have quite the experience with that."  
  
Severus smirked satisfied to himself, finally seeing the fear, for which he was waiting, returning to the other mans eyes. He handed Smith his wand, while his own one was still pointed at Smith's throat and he looked the other man warningly in the eye.   
  
Out of the angle of his eyes, Severus saw Hermione squirm and while he understood that it was anything but comfortable to be pointed at by the wand of your sworn enemy, he firmly hoped that she would stay put.  
  
Smith raised his eyes to meet those of the girl who was writhing under his touches just an hour ago. He felt betrayed that she would run to Snape, SNAPE of all people, to get rid of him. As if she wouldn't have wanted this. She actually challenged him to this, teased him with her delicious curves and her full, pink lips, with those thick lashes of her chocolate brown eyes.   
  
Smith grabbed his wand in determination and pointed it at Hermione.  
  
-§-  
  
She could see the look in his eyes, the look of disapproval and anger and betrayal. Hermione didn't understand it, and it scared her to see him out of control. But still, she stared back into his eyes, even though she was acutely aware of the blood rushing in her ears, her heart pounding in her chest wildly, and the deafening silence in the room.   
  
Both, mesmerised and petrified by the unholy look in Smith's eyes, Hermione found herself unable to look away.  
  
"Finite consanescem detineo." [1]  
  
The words were barely above a whisper, but it seemed to fill the whole room, and the silence that had reigned just moments before gave way to what seemed like an almost sigh-like sound from the room.   
  
And then Hermione could hear again, breath again, everything fell back into place and seemed more real and loud than ever. She felt the wound on her flesh widen, and more blood flowed out of it now, staining her white blouse. She heard a rash "Expilliarmus", followed by a loud thud of a human body crashing against the wall. She saw Snape's face, and the relief washing over it, but yet he had that determination in his eyes, something akin to a promise for revenge.   
  
Then he turned towards Hermione, pointed to the blue bottle again and said, "Don't linger here."   
  
Then he added with a quiet voice laced with malice, "I will arrange for his fair treatment."  
  
-§-  
  
Yes, it actually is intended to end here. I've got it bad the next weeks, so no update really §soon§, but in any case sooner than this time. Next chapter, what do you think, a bit of torture? I'm not sure if that's going to fit in the 'R-Rated' section, but I'm not much for violence anyways. How about you give me ideas what to write and I'll try to update as soon as I can? :)  
  
[1] Since I never had Latin, I'll try to avoid naming potions, charms/spells/curses and those things. I couldn't help putting the spell in there, though, because it's needed (in my humble opinion). I know it can't probably sound right, so bare with me.  
'finite' - from 'finio' - settle, end, die (thanks to hp-lexicon.org) 'consanescem' - healing process, 'detineo' - to prevent;   
  
Review, review, review!


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